Long Overdue Update

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When was my last post? I have no idea. For those of your following what I do have to say, here;s what going on.

I quit my job as a hostess at a retirement community in their dining room and began working 3/4 to full time as a caregiver/nanny. The two children both have cerebral palsy and are also my cousins (by marriage.) My job is the most stressful but the most rewarding I think a 19-year-old can have. The every day challenges can certainly get to you but the love we all share makes each day a gift.

That amazing man I have previously talked about, he proposed to me and we are now engaged to be married this following September (2015.) We are currently living together and have since April of this year. I have the most unconditional love for him. He makes me smile every day and he won’t let us go a day without a true kiss.

I have fallen off the weight-loss train yet again after losing 35lbs when the wedding planning started in August. Definitely needing to hop back on because my dress doesn’t zip without the corset…And we plan to start a family not long after we finalize the marriage!

We are looking to move into a bigger apartment just before the wedding but I doubt we will do much arranging of things until the wedding is over. I suspect our 130+ guests will give us some gifts…

We have decided we desperately want to start a family after the wedding comes to an end and we are enjoying the thrills of being newlyweds. Adam and I have discussed this many of times. I would be happy to have either, but together we wish for a daughter. My mother has been pushing us for two grandkids but we would like to stick to one… Only time will tell.

My following posts will likely consist of pre-pregnancy shenanigans and wedding hoorays. Having babysat for the better part of 10 years and now being up-close and personal with four children I have a pretty decent idea of parenthood.

To-da-loo until then 🙂

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Shall it be today?

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Even though my relationship with Adam just began, I feel as if we have known each other since the day I was born. I cannot imagine a life without him anymore. He compliments both my personality and my looks, regardless of what I am wearing. I have already purchased him a Soda Stream for his new apartment as an early Christmas gift, but I want to get him something more. I want him to be “wow”ed by whatever I choose for him. I understand it’s nontraditional, but I was thinking of a promise ring- a simple white gold band. Before I met him, I traded in my ring from my previous relationship and bought myself a cute little dainty anniversary band- 14k white gold and I love it. I had to have the ring sent to get sized due my fingers not being stock size. By the time my ring returned, I was in a relationship with Adam and wanted everyone to know I was off limits, so I placed my newly sized band on my ring finger. People I work with asked if I had been proposed to and if I was married- NO! Though Adam didn’t purchase this ring, he might as well have because I hold it dear to my heart just like I do him. I consider it my promise ring for a relationship I am in now, and it symbolizes the fact of entirely moving on from my previous relationship and finding someone who is better suited for me. 

My entire stream of thought here concludes with I want him to have a “promise” he can show everyone else. Regardless of his co-workers ask when we’re getting married and why they haven’t seen the Save-the-Date cards, I want them to know it’s real no matter how slow we progress. 

Should I be this bold? 

Is it too soon if we both have the feelings?

Probably not…

Adam, I love you.

Sex and Roles of Power Based on Gender

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Recently, in my women’s studies course, we studied a chapter call Sex, Power and Intimacy from the book Women’s Voices Feminist Visions written by Susan Shaw and Janet Lee. I came to the realization that my sex life was all about pleasing my partner, and it was about making sure he got what he wanted- granted this was a partner of my past relationship and I have since moved on to better things. As a woman, I figured that’s how it was. I had entered a relationship where sex was prevalent and new to me. Being a so-called “virgin” before the relationship gave me no foundation as to what the experience should entail for both parties involved.

My professor gave us some very good material to think on while studying the chapter, the class mainly consisting of females. She asked a very simple but probing question.

“When a man and a women have heterosexual intercourse, when do you know the sex is over? Is it when the male finishes, when the female finishes, or when you both become so tired or turned off it’s better to stop?”

I pondered my answer based on the experiences I had with my first of two partners. I concluded the following:

A. time was short

B. he finished

C. it wasn’t working

I was so disappointed in myself for letting HIM have all the power when I’m using MY BODY to turn him on and make the whole thing happen. Damn, I was so infuriated with myself that I had not realized I was sacrificing all of my own pleasure for the pleasure of someone who wasn’t really in love with me.

Needles to say, I ask you to think about your own sex life, whether your a man, woman, or somewhere in-between. Think about sharing the sexual power instead of giving it to one gender.

Do you sacrifice your pleasure for your partner most of the time? Start by having another one of those dreaded teenage “talks” about sex. I had one with my current partner, and I promise you, the sex gets better.

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How I Met My Son’s Mother

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Definitely a story worth reading!

Love, InshAllah

Eds. Note 11/22/13: We are strongly committed to airing a diversity of perspectives to undermine the imposition of a single story and to contribute to honest discussions and a more inclusive ummah. That said, based on your feedback, we also understand that many of you view this site as a safe space and may experience triggers reading this piece. We welcome your responses. See our guidelines, here.

mezbabio

“Here, I have her bio data from your aunt.” With a gleam in her eye, my mother turned around her laptop towards me. “Take a look.”

Kids, the year was 2006 and the hunt for my other half was in full swing. My parents got emails daily and all the aunties had been Put On Notice. Now, one of them had sent a biodata to my mother. Slightly curious, since I have heard so many good things about this latest…

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If one can lear…

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If one can learn to walk, one can learn to dance.

Embrace who you are, relieve some stress and be free. All things considering, some may be unable. Being able is a privilege, not a right. Be lucky for all you have, for you can dance and be musical. You may think you don’t know how, but sweetheart, you do. You just haven’t thought about it long enough.